Solving the Stepfamily Dilemma

-

Solving the Stepfamily Dilemma

Biblical Counseling Center

Don Hart writes a short article that is packed with interesting facts and practical advice for blended families.

I want to put a spotlight on the most important parts, but you should read the entire article here:

http://www.biblicalcounselingcenter.org

Divorce Rate

Take a survey of 100 married couples. 75 of the men and 60 of the women want to divorce and marry someone else.

Most second marriages involve children.

Out of every 100 divorces, 90 of the mothers will be the primary custodian.

Survey 100 second-marriages. 67 of those marriages will also end in divorce.

Don asks a good question: What can stepfamilies do to be one of the 33% of those whose second marriage succeeds?

Problem 1: Time to Build the Marital Relationship

It seems even more important for second-marriage relationships to spend as much time together as just husband and wife...yet it's even harder to do. The blended family tends to expend all energy and emotion on the children. Don recommends that couples must put time into the family schedule for a regular date night.

Problem 2: The Parent-Child Relationship

The new step-parent is an outsider. The children, whether his or hers, may respect the new parent (or not), but they definitely will be slow to trust and depend upon them. Don lists four examples that will work, but he also lists four things that will NOT work:

1. Authority that is demanding and threatening, contradicting established household standards or Scripture.

2. Expecting love, obedience and respect from the children, yet failing to provide sacrificial love in return.

3. Squashing individual dignity of the chilren, putting down the child who fails or is uncooperative.

4. Selfishness. Pride. Anger. Manipulation.

Problem 3: Finances

Often, second-marriages bring unsupported debt into the blend. It's worth considering delaying a marriage until the debt can be paid. Child support from the ex-parent is rarely adequate to cover everything. Whether in debt or not, the couple should not keep separate accounts. Not "my money versus her money," but "it's our money, regardless of who earns it."

Again, this is a good article, a quick read, and I recommend it for all who might be involved in a second marriage:

http://www.biblicalcounselingcenter.org

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Isaiah 5: The Parable of the Vineyard

-
Image
Isaiah 5: The Parable of the Vineyard Isaiah sings. His beloved had a vineyard, planted with vines, provided with a watchtower. But the vineyard yielded only wild grapes. Now the Beloved takes up the song: Why did my vineyard yield only wild grapes? He plans to destroy his vineyard, trampling the vines, commanding the rain to withhold its rain. The vineyard is the nation of Israel. God had made the nation his people and he had looked for justice and righteous, but got only bloodshed and outcry. Through Isaiah God pronounces judgement upon his people. Their haughty affluence would become desolate. Their disregard of the LORD will bring them into exile, hunger, thirst and death. God will exalt himself as holy when the land is broken and empty. Those who are wise in their own eyes, those who treasure their lies and wickedness, those who reject the law of the LORD and despise his holiness will be struck by the LORD's anger. Invaders from far away will lay siege and bring dark dis...
Read more

Plausible Arguments

-
Image
"In Christ are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. I say this in order that no one may delude you with plausible arguments." (Colossians 2:3-4) WHO CAN YOU BELIEVE? Politicians, preachers and peddlers are some of the most persuasive people we may meet. I can listen to an argument or sales pitch and be completely sold on it, and then listen to a different, contradictory presentation and be equally persuaded...who is right? Competitive debate or rhetoric is based upon the art of persuasion, the forceful, charismatic use of words and appearance to move people towards action or emotion. Truth and objectivity are optional for a peddler (or politician, preacher or lawyer). Facts are tools that can be modified, exaggerated, obscured or concealed. The goal is to capture the affections, emotions and minds of the audience. Have you ever met someone who consistently disagrees with you, always arguing against your opinions? That shows a hea...
Read more

Isaiah 18, Part One: Paper Boats and Whirring Wings

-
Image
Isaiah 18, Part One: Paper Boats and Whirring Wings What's gone before... In chapter 17 Isaiah described the end of Damascus, capitol city of Syria, Israel's ally and hope of glory in their fight against Judah. God would bring Damascus down because of their idolatry and pride. In this passage the God's sovereign control over all nations was seen. God can raise entire kingdoms up, and he can bring them utterly low. We could identify ourselves in this passage, people who easily forget the God of our salvation, the Creator and Sustainer of our life. We stand condemned by our sin in the same way as Damascus and Israel, and our only hope lies in the kindness of God. Now, in chapter 18... Isaiah greets ambassadors sent by a land "of whirring wings, beyond the rivers of Cush". He urges them to go to a nation "tall and smooth, to a people feared near and far". All the world is called to watch as God destroys the impending threat, clearing the might...
Read more